is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
