The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
