I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
