Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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