Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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