does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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