if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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