My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
not ubering you a puppy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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