textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
