3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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