i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
