I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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