Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
