all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
