watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
