I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
