I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
