how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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