She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
