When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
