How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
