"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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