I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
