we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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