You smell like stripper and shame
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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