i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
