Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
