i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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