I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
