Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
