On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
