i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
