If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.