Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need to stop coming to work sober
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize