I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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