you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
