I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
