3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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