I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im just a social blackout drinker.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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