It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
