A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
