I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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