Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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