woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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