Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
