I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
