It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
