So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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