Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
