final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
