dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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