Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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