i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
