Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
