For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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