Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
one two three fourrrrnication!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
