I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
