New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize