last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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