she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just high enough for therapy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
