Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize