they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you never un-have a 4some
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
