Screwed.edu
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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