there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
