yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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