shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
