I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
