she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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