We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
