I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
