I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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