If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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