Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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